How surviving the NICU changed me

I thought I would start this blog with a trip back in time,19 months back to be exact. I found myself coming into my own as a new mother in the most unlikely of places, the NICU. 

There I gained life experience that only a select few can attest to. I saw my whole pregnancy flash before my eyes while I stood over a clear box that was keeping my tiny 2 pound 6oz son alive. 

With no explanation, still to this day I gave birth to a 29 week old baby. Yup, a 29 weeker that's 11 weeks premature. In the moments they whisked him away I knew who I was would not be the same, a change in me happened. All the ideals of who I was and what kind of mother I would be went right out the window, along with the last 3 months of my pregnancy. I just was not ready, and felt like I failed in someway. 

However, I did not have fear. I never really was afraid that we would loose him i guess that's the optimistic in me. I knew that my son was a fighter, a strong being, a force to be reckon with. A mother just knows. 

Mostly, I wondered how I would care for this tiny person?

 Luckily, I have a wonderful husband and a amazing support system. However, you can't help but feel somewhat alone and isolated. I knew for my child to get strong and thrive I had to be strong and thrive. So I focused my energy on being a mother to my son even though he was in the NICU. Being his advocate because he could not be his own. 

Things were introduced to me that I had not even really began to think about (I still had time right....ha yeah sure I did.) Like kangaroo care, a form of babywearing.

This is where I not only fall in love with the closeness and bonding this provided but I was able to see the real science behind the medical benefits and watched how by doing this it helped my baby grow.

I knew I wanted to breastfed, but did not really gather the concept of how important breastfeeding is for the health and wellbeing of your child. They don't call it liquid gold for nothing! These few things opened a gateway into eco-style of parenting not only for myself but for my husband too. 

Do you remember that TIME magazine back in early 2012? It was about attachment parenting. Well I do and I will be the first to tell you that I was like "no way will my kid breastfed for that long, ya right never will we co-sleep!" Well never say never! Now come to find later we would not only co-sleep we would bed-share as well! Honestly, my husband and I have to just laugh at ourselves because of how silly we were thinking we knew it all before the baby even came to be in this world.

When baby came home our journey was far from over into eco-parenting, we found that our aka "Mr. Hollywood" aka "Linus" (baby's nicknames) was very sensitive skinned and was getting full on acid burns from disposable diapers. Que in cloth diapers!! Full on ecoCouture Baby!! 

Although my husband was not 100% on board at first he knew we had no options and quickly loved the $$$$ savings and clear baby bottom. Well, let's just say for me it was love at first fluffy butt!

So, at this point their was no denying it I crossed over into the natural world and I fully embraced it!     

Don't get me wrong I'm not a hardcore 'Attachment Parent' extremist, more power to you if you are! However I think for sure I fall within the guidelines (if any) in the community. I don't know are their guidelines? Maybe not, huh? I wonder if their are guidelines? Well, guidelines or not I do feel apart of that community but still have my own identity! 

Thoughtfully, 

ecoCouture Baby